Microsoft Unleashes Hell on Earth a.k.a. Songsmith (Specifically this Songsmith Commercial)

There are no words.  Please do not watch this video if there are any sharp objects near you that could be used to stab at your ears to make it all go away, don’t say I didn’t warn you.  This Songsmith ad is in HD for your added viewing pleasure.

WTF?!  Did Bill Gates kidnap these singers from Up with People or something?  This actually just trumped, catching my parents having sex when I was seven, as the most disturbing thing I’ve ever seen in my life.  The most awsomest part about the whole thing?  They’re using a fucking Mac in the commercial!  Way to go Microsoft, just brilliant.

And just in case you think this isn’t real, you may want to check out the official Microsoft Songsmith website.

Steve Jobs not Dying, but is Suffering from Hormone Imbalance

steve-jobsWhen Steve Jobs announced he wouldn’t be giving his usual keynote address at this year’s Macworld it renewed the flurry of rumors that he was on his death bed.  Now these rumors aren’t completely unfounded because any Mac fanboy can tell you that during 2008 Jobs looked like he was literally wasting away.

Jobs has always adamantly denied the rumors of his demise, but today he did release a statement acknowledging that there is something going on.

As many of you know, I have been losing weight throughout 2008. The reason has been a mystery to me and my doctors. A few weeks ago, I decided that getting to the root cause of this and reversing it needed to become my #1 priority.

Fortunately, after further testing, my doctors think they have found the cause—a hormone imbalance that has been “robbing” me of the proteins my body needs to be healthy. Sophisticated blood tests have confirmed this diagnosis.

The remedy for this nutritional problem is relatively simple and straightforward, and I’ve already begun treatment. But, just like I didn’t lose this much weight and body mass in a week or a month, my doctors expect it will take me until late this Spring to regain it. I will continue as Apple’s CEO during my recovery.

Apparently the letter served its purpose in allaying people’s fears.  Apple’s stock is up 4 points so far today.