FIT Coke Queens Trump NYU’s Pot Princess

fit_coke_queensMan, white women have it made.  If one goes missing it’s national news within seconds and if they get busted for dealing drugs they seem to think (probably with good reason) that it’s no big deal.  History seems to have proven if you’re an at least semi-affluent white girl caught dealing drugs you’re in for some serious rehab young lady.  And maybe even a strong talking to too.

Christine Scafa, 22, of Princeton Junction, NJ, and Mickenzie Dippenworth, 21, of Bel Air, Md., are suspected of supplying students at the school and other patrons from the club scene with cocaine over the past month, according to the sources.

“Oh, my God, are you guys serious!” Dippenworth yelled to photographers as the giggling pair were led from the Seventh Precinct station house last night.

“We’re not Plaxico Burress!” said Scafa before an older man interrupted. “Christine, don’t say anything,” he told her.

But Dippenworth chuckled back, “Well, I’m a Plaxico Burress fan.”

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for not wasting taxpayer’s money by not imprisoning non-violent drug offenders.  The only problem is it’s only working out for white chicks.

Anyone remember Julia Diaco?  She was coined “NYU’s Pot Princess” by the New York rags after she was busted by the NYPD for running a virtual drug den from her NYU dorm room.  Diaco was selling cocaine, marijuana, LSD, psychedelic mushrooms and other hallucinogens.  She was sentenced to an 18-month rehab stint and had to pass drug tests.

Diaco came by the pot princess moniker honestly:

Diaco had everything going for her — voted “most likely to be famous” by her senior class.  She lived in a $2 million mansion on a sprawl of waterfront in tony Rumson, N.J., a castle of a home with gold-plated fixtures, marble tile and an indoor pool.  The 18-year-old’s father, Anthony, owns a powerhouse construction company, AJD Construction Inc., that racks up $165 million a year and her mother, Pamela, is active in community groups.  Her two older brothers went to Princeton and Harvard, and Bruce Springsteen and Jon Bon Jovi once played a private concert in the family’s barn.

Like I said, putting people in prison for years for non-violent drug offenses is not something I’m likely to get behind anytime soon.  That being said, we cannot continue to support a system that spends billions upon billions of dollars on a so-called “war on drugs” while privelaged white people literally laugh in the face of the law without fear of prison while blacks and latinos fall victim to New York’s Rockefeller drug laws.

“Julia Diaco and Caroline Quartararo’s cases remind us that, if you are rich and privileged you will likely receive compassion from the courts,” said Cheri O’Donoghue, whose son Ashley is currently serving a sentence of 7 -21 years, also for a first-time non-violent drug offense. “While I support the notion of compassion and access to treatment for people who use and abuse drugs,” continued Cheri O’Donoghue, “the reality is that people of color who get caught up in the criminal justice system generally receive neither.  Although drug use rates are similar between blacks and whites, approximately 92 percent of the people in prison on drug charges in New York are Black and Latino.”

O’Donoghue’s son, a 23-year-old black man, sold cocaine to two white students, who in turn sought to re-sell the drugs on their Hamilton College campus.  The students were caught, and as with the Diaco and Quartararo, were given probation, while Ashley was left to languish in prison, another casualty of the draconian Rockefeller drug laws.  Ashley is one of more than 4,000 people sitting in NYS prisons convicted of B-level Rockefeller Drug Law felonies.  The B-Level offenders are a group of people for whom the modest reforms to the state’s drug laws in 2004 and 2005 did not have any impact.

Imagine what we could do as a country if we put even a fraction of the nearly $50 billion spent on the war on drugs into our public education system?

A Fish Grows in Union Square, Subway

union_square_fishThis was sent in to the NYT Metro Diary and has been confirmed by the NYCT:

I had just given up my rat search when I saw some movement out of the corner of my eye. It wasn’t a rat, but a tiny fish swimming up and down the tracks.

I looked around excitedly for someone to share it with. Finally a subway worker came along, whom I quickly grabbed and announced, “There’s a fish!” I figured he would tell me I was imagining it, but he smiled and said: “I know. It’s been there for two weeks.”

I went back a few days later, hoping to see the fish again. Amazingly, there he was in the exact same spot — about the size of my pointer finger, swimming around, dining on subway trash and probably wondering where his subway fish friends were.

A fish tale on 14th Street.

Insomniac Roundup

  • YouTube announced they are starting to sell ads on their search result pages.  That’s a tough sell.  I know after a search for chimpanzee on a segway I’d be hard pressed to decide whether or not to buy the Segway or the chimp.  Monetizing YouTube is going to be tough, YouTubers are wont to be entertained, not marketed to.
  • What happens when one half of one percent of New York babies are born at home with midwives instead of in hospitals?  Why a fancy article in the New York Times of course.  How relevant!  ”Mommy, why does my blow up pool smell like afterbirth?”
  • 10 Mistakes That Could be Killing Your Blog – #1. Passing off Top Ten Lists as Content.  What’s worse than infrequent posting and people writing about infrequent posting?  People writing about the people writing about infrequent posting.  But now I’m now I’m writing about a person who is writing about a person who is writing about…oh fuck it.
  • Help Obama choose what qualities to look for in our Nation’s first CTO.

Park Slope Takes to the Streets to Celebrate Obama Victory

Last night I posted on Twitter that people were pouring into the streets of Brooklyn in sheer jubilation.  This is one of the reason’s I love Park Slope, an impromptu celebration actually caused 5th Ave and Union St to be closed off for a while.

Photos courtesy of domiundbini/flickr

Steve Jobs Attempting to Trademark More Things That Occur Commonly in Nature

I suppose now is as good a time as any for me to formally announce my lawsuit against Steve Jobs and Apple, in which I will be seeking an unspecified amount of damages, for its registration and profiteering of me.com.  

I am clearly and undeniably me.  At no point whatsoever did I give Apple express written consent OR implied oral consent to use me as part of their new cloud computing experiment gone horribly awry.  

Never once has Apple consulted with me about their use of me.com nor has anyone contacted me about plans to compensate me for Apple’s brazen use of me.com.  

It is abundantly clear that Apple’s continued use of me.com is diluting me as a brand.  I am confident that with the amount of evidence before me we can solve this whole me.com issue out of court.  In face, I’m sure a check made out to me would go a long way to smoothing things over between Apple and me…com.

[Read more...]

MTA Testing New Geo-Targeted Video Ads

Tired of all the ads you see on nyc buses and trains that are about something 20 blocks away or not directly behind you?  You’re in luck.

New York’s transit agency is testing digital advertising screens on the sides of buses.

The screens can target ads for specific neighborhoods. The ads, which resemble TV commercials, could even advertise coffee in the morning, and beer after work.

Titan Worldwide has a 10-year, $800 million contract to sell ads throughout the city’s bus and commuter-train systems. The company says GPS technology allows it to change the ads based on the buses’ locations.

I can’t wait for the first, “Follow me to Whole Foods, it’s only 4…3…2…1 block(s) away.  You’re here!”  If there’s one thing more annoying than the ads on buses and trains it would have to be those same ads constantly changing enroute while be more like TV commercials at the same time.

Blog Action Day 2008: Get Involved, Just not with Computers for Youth

Today is Blog Action Day, and no, unfortunately, that’s not a euphamism.  No bloggers are getting any special ass of any sort today because they are blogging.

What it does mean is that people who have a blogs, and who may have the ears of a few readers should take action and lay out a plan to make a difference.  This year’s agenda is poverty.

I saw a great post over at Lifehacker by Kevin Purdy about a local charity he’s beginning to get behind that allows you to donate your old hardware.  Parts that you may not find particularly valuable anymore but that could well become a valuable part of supplying a computer to some needy children.

Some of the systems that end up at Computers for Children (CFC) come from bulk upgrades at corporate or governmental entities, but personal donations can be crucial in filling in the gaps. An IT department might, for example, yank the hard drives from an entire fleet of beige desktop boxes for security or salvage purposes, leaving them mostly useless for renovation purposes. Personal donations also bring in the more unique consumer-oriented hardware that can be put to use in creating group servers, teaching children how to use digital cameras, and filling out otherwise perfectly good systems missing one crucial part.

Sound pretty awesome right?  Well, I did some searching to try and find something like that around NYC and came up with CFY or Computers for Youth.  Fantastic!  I have plenty of RAM and hard drives lying around in perfectly good condtion that could be being used by some poor, unfortunate youth that wants access to more MySpace and Miley Cyrus in his/her life.  My hopes of philanthropy were quickly dashed however after perusing the website for just a few minutes.

Rather than the cool Computers for Children program Kevin was now earning good karma with, CFY has a much different list of donations you can make.

  1. Contributions by Check
  2. Donations by Credit Card
  3. Stock Transfers
  4. And if you don’t want to be bothered with any of this while you’re alive you can contact them for help with estate planning or making a contribution in memory or in honor of someone.

Good luck donating an entire computer, let alone computer parts. “CFY only accepts donations of 30 or more computers at a time.”  And not just any 30 computers, according the website you’ll need to meet their specifications.  Intel Pentium 4, Celeron, Duo Core, Centrino and AMD Processors (1.4GHz or higher).  I know people that work for large corporations that have work computers that don’t match those specs.

So if you’re a huge corporation tossing out P4 machines with core duo processors and want to help out then CFY is for you.  If you’re just a normal person looking to help out then you’re probably better off finding a decent recycling program in your community.  CFY isn’t interested in your crap.

Hopefully I can do some more research and come up with another worthwhile charity that deal with poverty, I’m sure there are many.  If you have any suggestions feel free to leave them in the comments and maybe you too can make a difference.

NYPD and Brooklyn DA Counting on People Being Too Broke to Mug, Ask Criminals to Sell Them Their Guns

In what may seem like counter intuitive logic, the NYPD and Brooklyn District Attorney are taking advantage of the tanking economy and doubling the reward they offer to buy up used guns off the street.

You know the economy is bad when the NYPD is leveraging it against criminal types in an attempt to get guns off the streets.

New York City has long had a policy that you anyone could walk into any precinct across the city and turn in a gun for $100 no questions asked, but it’s not like a lot of people with “extra” weapons lying around are making a beeline to the police precinct.  That’s why this weekend the NYPD is teaming up with a few local churches to try and calm people’s fears about actually walking into a precinct with a gun.

“It’s a trust issue. If we say no one is going to be asking questions about where it came from, they trust us,” said the Rev. Frank Amato of Bushwick’s Our Lady of the Rosary of Pompei Church.

“The economy is taking a dive. I would hope that that would be another reason someone would say, ‘If it’s in the house … I should get the money,’” said the Rev. Richard Beuther, pastor of Sts. Peter and Paul, which will take part in in the program.

True, they could say that. But it doesn’t exactly seem to make sense from the criminal’s point of view.  Sure you could turn in your gun and get $200 no questions asked.  But you could also keep it and probably get two or three times that much after just a couple of muggings.

According to the NYPD’s website:

The NYPD and Brooklyn District Attorney will pay $200, no questions asked, for handguns, rifles and shotguns returned to select churches in Brooklyn on Saturday, October 11. See program details.

A quick call to the NYPD also confirmed that the guns don’t even necessarily need to be in working condition to get the reward.  I guess that makes sense, what are they going to do, test fire each gun that comes into the church?

So, if you’re a down on your luck n’er do well that’s been hit hard by the economic downturn and haven’t been able to fix your broken gun, now’s you chance to turn lemons into lemonade.

Drop off your gun in exchange for a $200 bank card Saturday from 11a.m. to 5 p.m. at: Sts. Peter and Paul Church, 71 S. Third St.; All Saints Church, 115 Throop Ave., St. Barbara Church, 138 Bleecker St. and Our Lady of the Rosary of Pompei Church, 225 Seigel St.

The only question is…what are you going to do with that extra $200?

NYC Subways Roll Out Ads on Outside of Cars

Waiting for the train this morning I was shocked to see my train roll into the station sporting ads on the outside.

I’m used to seeing bunyon removal, ConEd, learn English now and various beer ads on my commute but this new revenue stream through me for a loop.

Hopefully this means the MTA will actually be able to overcome its massive budget deficit without raising fares any time in the near future, although I’m not holding my breath.

I don’t know about you but I’m super excited about the first time I’m waiting in the station and I get to see Dr. Zizmor come whizzing by me at 15 mph. You know it’s only a matter of time. Come on Dr. Z what are you waiting for?

Google Opens NYC Office, Has Kickass Cafeteria Menu and Sweet Lego Sculptures

krispy_kreme_burgerYesterday was the first official day at the new NYC offices of Google.

The company has three floors in a building that stretches from Eighth Avenue to Ninth Avenue and from 15th Street to 16th Street, a few blocks west of Union Square. The workspace is light and airy and built around the concept of working in teams, with people sharing offices and cubicles connected in groups. Along with a cafeteria and a game room, there are snack stations throughout the office.

The NYC offices were the base for the project that eventually became Google Maps.

google_lego

(212) 340-0849: The Telephone Reference Service of the New York Public Library

new_york_public_libraryDo you like using Google to look up obscure facts but miss the warm, soothing voice of a human on the opposite end of a telephone line? You’re in luck.

Everyday except Sunday, eight women and two men provide the telephone reference service of the New York Public Library system. The telephone reference service has been around since 1968. Anyone from anywhere can call (212) 340-0849 and ask any question. The researchers have five minutes to come up with the answer.

What country had the first license plates? What is the life cycle of an eyebrow hair? What is arachibutyrophobia? How does a person get out of quicksand?

France; 150 days; fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth; don’t thrash, ease to the surface, float.

The next time you’re stumped on Google, or can’t come up with a way to phrase a question that gives you less than a bilion results, give good, old fashioned human research a try.

A Strange Maple Syrup Smell Overtook the City Last Night

OK, so I live in Brooklyn and I definitely smelled it.  A number of people, as far up as 97th street in Manhattan, say they smelled it too. It came out of nowhere, suddenly I could  smell a sweet aroma wafting through the air, it permeated everything. I assumed it was probably just a neighbor cooking up pancakes for dinner, what the hell do I know. I wasn’t sure what it was, but I suddenly had a urge to eat waffles.

I left my house and continued to smell it the entire night, no matter where I went. I kept asking everyone around me if they could smell it too, for fear that I was the only one and I was having a stroke or something and this would be the last thing I’d be smelling until I finally just keeled over.  Fortunately, everyone I checked with said they did indeed smell it too. It was a sweet smell, like maple syrup, or butterscotch or something.  It was like God poured syrup all over New York City.

I finally got home and managed to get to bed, basically convinced it wasn’t a stroke.  Imagine my surprise when I woke up the next morning and realized that it wasn’t just Brooklyn, people in Manhattan were being treated to the sweet, sweet aroma of maple syrup all night too.  What gives?  Did someone drop a maple syrup dirty bomb on NYC?  How the hell can the entire city from Harlem, (according to You Can’t Make That Up) to Brooklyn smell like maple syrup?

I demand answers into this.

Update: WNBC is reporting it too:

City officials still don’t know what caused a mysterious smell to drift through Manhattan Thursday night.

City residents first caught a whiff of the sweet scent around 9 p.m.They described it as smelling like maple syrup or roasted peanuts.Officials said there was nothing to suggest the odor was caused by anything dangerous.

Update: I just got off the phone with FOX5 News, and they want to interview me about the smell. They say people are going nuts trying to figure out what the hell it was. It seems literally no one knows.

While it seems for now, we’re all still here, this little find about chemical weapons wasn’t very much consolation:

How do you know if you have been exposed to a chemical agent? You may
not be able to see or smell one. In their pure forms, most chemical
weapon agents are clear liquids. Impure chemicals may be yellowish
liquids. Most are odorless and tasteless, but some have a slightly
sweet or fruity smell
.

Thank god I didn’t read that last night.

I’m still going with the fact it’s some sort of viral marketing scheme for a new flavor of Aunt Jemima.

Update: The New York Times is even reporting it, they have no answers either.

Sharon Tracy, Licensed Physical Therapist, Stole My Watch!

A watch.

A while ago I tweaked my back and it’s been giving me problems on and off since. For a while I had been going to a chiropractor but felt that wasn’t doing very much good. The problem seemed to be more muscular than spine or alignment.

After much consideration and research, and on the recommendation of my regular doctor, I decided to try a physical/massage therapist. Luckily it was covered my employer’s insurance so I thought what the hell. I was in a lot of pain and was willing to try anything.

My first meeting with Sharon Tracy was telling. Her office was in a brownstone, which isn’t unusual in Brooklyn. She was kind of spacey and out of it. Just a little flighty although I couldn’t really put my finger on it. I took it for New Age-y flakiness and let it slide. She seemed nice enough even if she was a bit quirky.

You had to take your shoes off before you entered even the lobby of her office. I showed up around fifteen minutes before my appointment and ended up having to wait outside on the stoop of the brownstone because no one was there to let me in. I assumed, like a normal doctor’s appointment, you show up a little early and wait. She told me, “oh, I forgot to tell you never to show up early for your appointment, just get here right on time”. Ok, odd, but ok. She spent the first twenty minutes of our first session freaking out about how she couldn’t get her e-mail to work, to the point that I took ten minutes and setup Outlook for her.

That was my first encounter, quirkiness and all, but I’m still in it to win it. I’m in pain and I want it to stop. I’m willing to put up with whatever mojo she’s got going.

For our second appointment, I show up right on time, and oops, she’s double booked. I reschedule and leave.

For our third appointment she’s about ten minutes late, no big deal I wait and we have the normal session. I should mention that through all of these sessions, we had conversations. She talked incessantly during the session, which was quite annoying, but which I never said anything about. We were on good terms. I never showed frustration or even gave the air that I was bothered by her eccentricities.

After the third session, I asked if we should do the appointment the same time next week. She recommended I start coming twice a week so we made two appointments. One for Tuesday and one for Thursday.

As part of the session, there is a massage, so when I get undressed, as a habit I would take off my watch and lay it on a mantle next to where my clothes were.

Now here’s where it gets interesting. After my third visit, and after she suggests we make two appointments for the next week, I leave. I was literally not completely out to the sidewalk when I realized I had left my watch inside on the mantle. I turned around and buzzed to get back in. Nothing. No answer. We’re talking 30 maybe 45 seconds tops since I walked out the door. Buzz again. Nothing. Still no answer.

While I thought it was odd, and a little frustrating that she wasn’t answering, I wasn’t worried. I would just get the watch at my next appointment.

So I show up on Tuesday for my appointment, right at 11 as commanded. Buzz. No answer. Buzz again, no answer. Ok, fine. She’s running late again. I’ll just sit on the stoop…again. 15 minutes passes. Buzz. No answer. 30 minutes passes. Buzz. Nothing. 45 minutes, still no answer, so fuck it, I leave.

I get home and call her, and get her machine. I’m still polite, even going so far as to say that I may have mixed up the appointment time, but if she could just call me back to let me know that we’re still on for Thursday. I get no call back. I call her again on Wednesday, “hey, just wanted to make sure we were still on for tomorrow, I know we missed each other Tuesday. Give me a call.” No call, no nothing.

Thursday, I show up for my appointment, again, no one is there. I wait, and wait. And wait. No one is there. Now I’m pissed. I call again. Again, I get her machine. “Ok look, I’m not sure what’s going on, but obviously you’re busy and our appointments aren’t working out, but like I’ve said, I left my watch there. Just call me back and let me know when I can come and pick that up. Call me anytime”. Again, nothing.

I call everyday, sometimes twice a day, for the next two weeks. “Please, that watch was a gift, I just want to pick it up, anytime you want to call is fine, but this is getting ridiculous, just give me back my watch.” Zip. Never hear from her again.

I still call occasionally, her machine still picks up. I still leave a message. I still get no response.

So, just in case you’re ever in need of a physical therapist in Park Slope, you may want to avoid Sharon Tracy. On second thought, don’t avoid her. Go to her, and if you see my watch, take it and run.

Give me back my watch you crazy biatch!

Honk if You Have Road Rage

I’m not sure who or what department is in charge of enforcing NYC’s don’t honk law, but whoever they are, they should be fired.   Immediately.  This has to be the worst case of job ineffectiveness I have witnessed in my entire life.  Has anyone ever gotten, or known anyone who has gotten a ticket for honking their horn? 

Bloomberg should give me the job of writing people tickets for honking.  In a matter of weeks New York would be the wealthiest city on the planet.  I’d be a ticket writing motherfucker.  I’d have to learn how to write left handed just for when my right hand got too tired to handle the immense amount of tickets I’d spend my day writing.  I’d gladly work overtime for free.  I’d whistle charming little diddies as made my way about the city ticketing honkers

I live near a fairly busy intersection and it drives me mad to hear the honking that goes on.  The problem with honking in congestion is that there is absolutely nowhere for the cars in front of the honker to go.  Your honk is totally fruitless and without merit.

It’s not like people are sitting in their cars reading the paper with a free and clear road ahead of them.  What the fuck do you want them to do people?  Do you think your horn holds some mysterious, magical power that makes traffic disappear? 

Please shut the fuck up and stop polluting my environment with your horn.   I truly hope there is a special place in hell reserved for people that abuse their horn priveleges.  You make the world a miserable place to live in and I hope your horns break or something equally traumatizing to your rage blackout needs.

Wash and Fold: An NYC Story

whitecloudOne of the main reasons I moved to NYC was the abundance of wash and fold laundromats. I had pretty much narrowed down my choices between NYC and Sioux Falls, South Dakota. It was a tough decision, but after doing some intense research NYC completely blew Sioux Falls away in the “per capita wash and fold laundromats” department.

The truth is, I could actually give or take the “wash” part of it. It’s the “fold” part that I’m hooked on. After the first time you get your laundry back all compact and neat, folded into a tight brick of clothes it has a hold on you that’s hard to break.

There are however two parts of the “wash” process that are important to me.

  1. The fabric softener. I always check that little box on the receipt requesting fabric softener but I’m about 98% sure it never gets into the mix. But hey, I’m no elitist, I can live without fabric softener, what the hell.
  2. Detergent.  That seems like a fairly critical ingredient in the “wash” phase but now I’m nearly convinced there isn’t eve any detergent involved.

The last few times I’ve picked up my clothes they’ve had absolutely no smell at all.  Even detergent leaves a fresh, clean scent, but nothing is going on in there.  I suppose it’s possible that they’re just using some cheap, scentless non-allergenic detergent that I can’t smell but it’s also possible they have in fact just stopped using soap to clean my clothes.

I don’t eve know what to do about this.  A quick search of the web didn’t turn up anything about laundromat nanny cams.

I’ve tried to explain the situation to the employees that work there but between my broken Spanish and their broken English it always ends the same way.  An awkward, quizzical silence.  Somehow I end up apologizing in broken Spanish and making a hasty exit. 

In the meantime, I’m stuck with wearing scentless clothes. I mean, who wants to wear clothes that smell like clothes?  Not this guy.  I want my clothes to smell like a summer breeze or a mountain stream or a teddy bear’s ass, anything but actual clothes.  I’ve backed myself into quite a corner with this mess.  My only option may be to take the dramatic step of walking an extra half block to the next wash and fold laundromat.  I never dreamt it would come to this.

Photo courtesy of Bluejake